Friday, 16 October 2009
Friday, 9 October 2009
Sunday, 4 October 2009
When Lamb and Image are away, I usually take the opportunity to do something which I can only do when I am alone. Last time it was the seriously rare rump steak salad with coriander lime dressing....... This time round I watched the opening & closing scenes of KOYAANISQATSI about 7 or 8 times. The music and visuals are intensely hypnotic, though I have yet to encounter someone who experience the movie the same way I do.
I am procrastinating doing our taxes, but if I don’t do it now, I am going to miss the e-filing deadline in Nov.
Monday, 21 September 2009
I, J. Hardspear de la Azotea have nearly never done this most bloggerest of blogger things: A meme. I’ve been tagged before, but did not respond. Since Angel regularly posts memes, I’ve decided to ask her to suggest one. Angel responded with this one: I have to write about ten things I love. There is a snag though... she assigned the letter ‘J’ to the instruction, so every item on the list must start with the letter J. In the end it did not prove that easy, but I came up with a list which I am satisfied with and this is in no particular order or ranking: 1. Jeep clothing: It is the most comfortable clothing around. Especially if you are big like me. It actually makes your shoulders look bigger and your tummy smaller. I cannot wear Truworths Man clothes for example. Their largest size is XL and is too small for me. A Large Jeep shirt on the other hand fits me comfortably. 2. Johannesburg: Although I do not live there, it is the best city in SA. I really like Jozi. Cape Town is good for a long weekend and I cannot stand Pretoria (en omtrent 50% van alle Pretorianers). 3. Jockey briefs: Pure cotton comfort. (It is an ADD thing – clothing must be extremely comfortable) 4. Java-jolt: Strong cup, freshly brewed, good quality - first thing in the morning! 5. Jalapeño Peppers: Not too strong like Habañero – but lots of flavour 6. Jack Russel Terriers: We’ve got 2. 7. Jelly Tots: Reminds me of childhood 8. Journal: On-line – this one and other people’s 9. Janis Joplin: Boy, that girl could sing! 10. J&B: Amongst other Whiskeys
Friday, 18 September 2009
Two years of commuting alone in my car on the R59 from Vereeniging to Johannesburg and back each day made me realize a few things. The observations to follow are what I have discerned from countless trips on a very busy highway. These observations exclude the obvious (BMW drivers (men) Mercedes drivers (women) and large trucks (very many between the Vaal and JHB)). Here we go...
- Fastest bakkies = Late model company branded (usually machinery) Toyota bakkies – both double and single cabs.
- Slowest bakkies = Old Ford bakkies (baby blue with an orange driver’s door) driven by an old oom with a hat. Fuck knows where he is going at 5:30 AM travelling on the R59.
- Taxis = Perceptibly fewer taxi’s than on other highways. (thank God for small mercies)
- Cars sticking too close on your tail =Toss-up between VW Polo tdi’s driven by some young @#*&! with a shark-fin hairstyle or a Mercedes Delivery Van driven by a man in overalls.
- Preferred lift-club car for women = VW CitiGolf. Usually 4 large middle aged ladies with big hair and big earrings. As one cruise by you see a lot of mouths opening & closing, bangles flashing, heads turning to & fro, tight perms bobbing up and down and earrings swinging. I also imagine 4 strong clashing perfumes. A lot of talking & gesticulating. Kids, husbands and bosses, I guess the main topics to be. Sometimes there would be a pale thin young man stuck between the two ladies on the back seat. Blue is the preferred colour of the attire, so I fancy them to be working at Standard Bank in downtown Jo’burg.
- Preferred lift club car for men = Men from V-town do not lift-club.
- Most out of place and overly cautious = Middle class family looking uncomfortable in their Sunday best. I’ll put money on that one family member needs to see a specialist in Sandton and the rest go along for support. Daddy reckoned that you’ll never know what the traffic’s gonna do, so let’s leave early so that we make our 12:00 appointment comfortably. We can stop for burgers in Alberton on our way back, Mommy’s going to be too upset to cook tonight anyway.
- And who said ADD’ers aren’t observant?! Ha!
And on the way back in the afternoon I thank God for 94.7 Highveld Stereo. Imagine the crap I would have thought out if I did not have a radio in the car! I wonder if someone categorised me...? I wonder if the new Heineken Brewery halfway to Vereeniging will have a factory outlet? Should I stop at the Blockhouse for a colddrink? Aah! My favourite song! I wish they would play .... for a change. That *Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored* at work today *Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored* will get his comeuppance *Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored* Bliksem 94.7 Highveld Stereo irritates the hell out of me sometimes, let’s see what is on the other stations: Radio 5 - no, Radio Oranje - no, Classic FM - no, 702 - no, Khaya- no, Metro - no, aaaarrrrgghhhh – JACARANDA!! – back to Highveld thank you very much. I am sure my penis just moved. TOET VIR JOU FOKKEN GAT MAN!!! I forgot to pray this morning. Meyerton, finally I am nearly home. What shall we eat tonight? I need to have the shocks on the car replaced.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Monday, 24 August 2009
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Monday, 17 August 2009
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
I write this post with the utmost respect to my wife, Lamb, and do not wish to put her in a bad light in any way. This is just something I have to get off of my chest. On Oprah the other day, she had a discussion going with mothers and the things mom’s do not usually admit to others and true and honest feelings about childbirth and children. One discussion was around resuming (gmph!) sex life after the birth of the baby. The women Oprah talked with gave all the usual (though valid and realistic) reasons of why new moms does not feel like having sex. I prepared myself for this before the birth as I have been forewarned by other new dads. What they didn’t tell me was for how loooong this was going to be. Now listening to my wife and the women on Oprah, gave me even more insight into this. The problem for me is not lack of understanding. The problem for me is I NEED MORE SEX! So I went and looked on the web for tips today. What, is this all, is there nothing else I can try? Here is some Great Dad tips I’ve found, but the author only state that maybe this will get you some – no guarantees... I’ve commented on each of them. 1. Break out the flowers and champagne. This one is a little too transparent to work more than once a month, but always worth a try. Done that. Most times I’ll get an honest thank you and get told how much I am appreciated. Nice, but no nooky. 2. Be a great dad. Actually, moms are turned on by strong men who can show they can take care of little kids. After putting the little one down for a nap, you might get one of your own. Try my levelest. Regularly get told that I am the greatest dad and she appreciates everything I do soooo much. Mmm still no nooky. 3. Plan your getaway. Yeah, it’s trite, but organizing a weekend away, including a relative to watch the kids, does wonders for a girl’s libido. You might even pack some toys. Done that. Went to Thabela Thabeng in the Vredefort Dome. THANK YOU B E T T Y FOR THE TIP!! Mother-in-law agreed to look after the baby for one night. It worked! Very nice break. Veeery nice nooky. But it was a month ago and it is not realistic to go away somewhere romantic 5 times a week. 4. Watch some smut. Casually leave a Cinemax-style soft core playing around bed time. You might be surprised that it gets her in the mood. Just don’t play anything too graphic. Well, to say that porn does not turn me on would be a lie. I just find it creates unrealistic expectations and does more for one’s fantasy life than for your actual sex life. Yes, before baby, Lamb could also get in the mood with some soft porn, but it is a route I am choosing not to go with. I crave meaningful sex with my wife, not a quick wank with only my fantasies. 5. Do the laundry and the dishes and make dinner. Women hate that stuff hanging over their heads. If she’s just getting home from work and it’s all done for once, she may have room in her brain for other things. I DO! Often! And I clean the house, and I do the washing! It is nice to hear how much she appreciates it. BUT ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS! 6. Throw out the bedroom TV. A study last year in Italy showed that couples who gave up TV in bed, doubled their sex per week. Never had a TV in the bedroom... Never will... 7. Don't expect much quickie sex. Unfortunately, it's less about animal lust these days. I am willing to fake 6 hours of foreplay if there had been any interest! 8. Stay in shape, shower up and be stay attractive to her. What's good for the goose... Mmm... I could do with slimming down a bit. 9. Don't push it. Don't whine about not getting any sex, or insist when she's not into it. That only will lead to bad feelings all around. You're going to have to be more artful here. Haven’t done this yet, but it is starting to get difficult not to whine. 10. Suggest baby #2 or #3. Nothing motivates a woman more than when she's trying to have a baby, as you will recall from baby #1. This is not recommended unless you are really ready for the next one Fuck dude, are you crazy!? When Lamb was pregnant she was horny as hell and we had fantastic sex and quite often, but I do not think suggesting another baby will do the trick right now. If there is any other new dads out there, you are welcome to either give tips which work, or commiserate.