Friday, 18 September 2009

Observations on the R59

Two years of commuting alone in my car on the R59 from Vereeniging to Johannesburg and back each day made me realize a few things. The observations to follow are what I have discerned from countless trips on a very busy highway. These observations exclude the obvious (BMW drivers (men) Mercedes drivers (women) and large trucks (very many between the Vaal and JHB)). Here we go...

  • Fastest bakkies = Late model company branded (usually machinery) Toyota bakkies – both double and single cabs.
  • Slowest bakkies = Old Ford bakkies (baby blue with an orange driver’s door) driven by an old oom with a hat. Fuck knows where he is going at 5:30 AM travelling on the R59.
  • Taxis = Perceptibly fewer taxi’s than on other highways. (thank God for small mercies)
  • Cars sticking too close on your tail =Toss-up between VW Polo tdi’s driven by some young @#*&! with a shark-fin hairstyle or a Mercedes Delivery Van driven by a man in overalls.
  • Preferred lift-club car for women = VW CitiGolf. Usually 4 large middle aged ladies with big hair and big earrings. As one cruise by you see a lot of mouths opening & closing, bangles flashing, heads turning to & fro, tight perms bobbing up and down and earrings swinging. I also imagine 4 strong clashing perfumes. A lot of talking & gesticulating. Kids, husbands and bosses, I guess the main topics to be. Sometimes there would be a pale thin young man stuck between the two ladies on the back seat. Blue is the preferred colour of the attire, so I fancy them to be working at Standard Bank in downtown Jo’burg.
  • Preferred lift club car for men = Men from V-town do not lift-club.
  • Most out of place and overly cautious = Middle class family looking uncomfortable in their Sunday best. I’ll put money on that one family member needs to see a specialist in Sandton and the rest go along for support. Daddy reckoned that you’ll never know what the traffic’s gonna do, so let’s leave early so that we make our 12:00 appointment comfortably. We can stop for burgers in Alberton on our way back, Mommy’s going to be too upset to cook tonight anyway.
  • And who said ADD’ers aren’t observant?! Ha!

And on the way back in the afternoon I thank God for 94.7 Highveld Stereo. Imagine the crap I would have thought out if I did not have a radio in the car! I wonder if someone categorised me...? I wonder if the new Heineken Brewery halfway to Vereeniging will have a factory outlet? Should I stop at the Blockhouse for a colddrink? Aah! My favourite song! I wish they would play .... for a change. That *Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored* at work today *Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored* will get his comeuppance *Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored Censored* Bliksem 94.7 Highveld Stereo irritates the hell out of me sometimes, let’s see what is on the other stations: Radio 5 - no, Radio Oranje - no, Classic FM - no, 702 - no, Khaya- no, Metro - no, aaaarrrrgghhhh – JACARANDA!! – back to Highveld thank you very much. I am sure my penis just moved. TOET VIR JOU FOKKEN GAT MAN!!! I forgot to pray this morning. Meyerton, finally I am nearly home. What shall we eat tonight? I need to have the shocks on the car replaced.

3 comments:

momcat said...

You're spending far too long in that car, Spear!

Spear said...

Yes Mom........Cat (lol)

Betty said...

I love you travel story.