Kindergarten 1

When I was small I went to a crèche / kindergarten close to where we lived. I have an exceptional long term memory – a common characteristic of people with ADD. My short term memory leaves much to be desired though, but later more about that. Back to kindergarten. This memory must be from when I was about 5 years old. There was of course just like now, others you liked, others you disliked and others you tolerated. There was one boy whom I quite liked, he was funny and friendly. The odd thing however was that I was fascinated by the way this boy looked when he cried. His eyes would open real wide, and this is the oddest thing, his mouth became a perfect square hole in is face. I could just look at this boy’s face forever when he cried. Imagine that. Other children’s mouths made an oval, or a circle or semi-circle when they cried, but this was the first square I’ve seen in my short life! What a dilemma! I did not know the term at the time, but I suffered cognitive dissonance concerning this boy. Though not my friend, he was so nice, and therefore it would be difficult for me to hurt him. Still I very much needed to see him cry. The fact that I could see it in my mind’s eye was just not enough. I felt very guilty about what I did then, but there was no other way. I had to incite other children to hurt this boy. It was not easy, for they knew they could get into trouble. I also had to do it in such a way that the boy would not know it was me who was behind all of this. But oh, the reward of my efforts was greater than the guilt I felt.