Friday, 14 September 2007

ADD Diagnosis - After 1

Continiued from ADD Diagnosis - Before 2 (See post below)
I was stunned by the realisation that I have ADD. There was absolutely no doubt. I phoned my friend and asked him about ADD and he told me about the Doctor he was seeing. I went to see the man and he made a diagnosis and prescribed Ritalin. My life changed. My relationship with Lamb, my wife improved drastically. I completed the MBA in the required time on Ritalin and SHEER determination and fucking hard work. I had to repeat Financial Management, scraped through a few others, got C average for a few more and was awarded 4 distinctions including my dissertation. The damage done at work though was irreparable, and the studies also took a toll. I found a new job, not the corporate job I wanted, but still out of the Police. I became the general manager at a medium sized in 2003. I was responsible for HR, Marketing and General Administration and running of the offices. I suffered great hardships at the new work and I stopped using Ritalin as soon as I completed my studies (6 months after I started the new job), but pulled through beautifully and after a year was back seeing my doctor and back on ritalin. For a long time, it went very well. In 2006 everything went pear-shaped and amongst others I missed a very important deadline. I was given the choice of a disciplinary hearing (where I had to admit guilt) or a standard severance package with a good reference. I chose the latter and started my own management consultancy. I stopped smoking and started going to the gym. Some money came in, but not enough and this went on for three months. I was determined more than ever in my life though. Till one day when Lamb pulled the carpet from under me. She gave me an ultimatum: Regular paying job, or she goes. I packed my stuff and went to stay with a friend – we agreed on a few days, so we both can get time to think. I resented what she did, as I felt that she did not understand. I felt that greatness and success was nearly within my grasp. I swam my first ever open water swim event the day after. I barely started when I suffered a severe panic attack and could not complete. I did not take this well and felt a terrible failure, for I prepared really hard and for me who never ever participated in sport, this was something big and I yearned to achieve. I blamed my failure partly on her. The day after the race though, I was due to participate in a recording of the South African version of Weakest Link, since I applied, auditioned and got selected a long time before all of this. I was still employed in fact. I pep talked myself into a frenzy. During the recording I put on the performance of my life and even made Fiona Coyne (Anne Robinson Clone – Wikipedia Weakest link, there is a photo) laugh. I won to top it all! I made a decision to start looking for a permanent position again. I told myself that this decision must be without regret and without reproach. Even if I give up a dream, my wife is very important to me, I love her very much and we want to start a family in the near future. Thoroughly disheartened by my previous attempt of applying for new positions, and I think it was in excess of 100 positions I applied for, I tried to keep good faith. It was hard though, for as a result of my previous attempts I was selected for an interview with a the second largest beer brewery in the world. As a result of the interview in turn, I had to go for rigorous psychometric tests (aptitude and IQ). Following the result of these I was invited for another round of psychometric tests, several personality tests this time and another IQ. When they invited me for a fourth interview I could not help getting excited. To make a long story short, there was a mix up between the job applications and bursary applications, and I was incorrectly interviewed for a bursary. I wrote a very verbose and on the surface polite letter to the Human Resources Director of the company, yet still conveyed my disappointment and ire. They responded promptly with apologies, but apportioned the blame squarely on the shoulders of the recruitment agency. They also made some noises about Employment Equity and so forth and so forth. My view has always been that because of EE, I must just work all that harder, for the supply is all that bigger. I try never to say “Because of ADD or EE or whatever could I not,” but always proudly state “In spite of … I still managed” Yet, I was put off of job hunting. Then a job literally landed in my lap. It was the competition of the medium sized firm I worked for, and I got exactly the same position as I had with the previous firm.

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