Monday, 17 September 2007

ADD Diagnosis - After 2

Continued from ADD Diagnosis – After 1 In the four months since I started the new job, I’ve implemented new things and made myself (never indispensable) but extremely well liked. I know I impress a lot, for I can truly pull a rabbit out of a hat. I am bored out of my skull however. I have to force myself to complete my tasks and still manage not to complete it. I have no drive whatsoever and I am rather downhearted as of late. I feel like I felt before I started medication way back when. I feel thoroughly mixed-up at the moment and I have trouble keeping up-beat about things. I do not know what to do, except that this mediocrity which I sold to myself as something I want, does not work for me any longer. I cannot say I have trouble concentrating, because I have no concentration at all. I do things I shouldn’t. I don’t do the things I should. I do not understand this, because … well I just don’t understand. The thought of passing ADD to the child my wife and I want, makes me want to choke up and cry. I have, since being diagnosed with ADD been secretly pleased with my right-brain functioning as I truly believe it makes me unique and creative and interesting. I never minded having ADD. I never minded having impaired left-brain functioning. I always looked for the positive aspects of having ADD. Of late I recognize ADD for the curse it is. I do not wish to speak ill of my Doctor as he has meant so much to me since diagnosing me. He is getting very old however and as stubborn as a mule. I have been worried for some time about where to go when he is no longer there or decides to retire. I will miss him terribly. My other sister Honey Bee also has add, but she has given up te meds as it gives her palpitations. She has had several major heart operations and her heart is a bit dodgy at the best of times.

No comments: