Whoooo Hoooo!

I’ve had such incredible good news! I won a competition in a popular magazine! I cannot decide whether to give details here or not, because my real identity and recent photo will be published with the effort which afforded me a win. (The photo on my blog header is 12 years old. It was taken in Lucerne in Switzerland. I was standing in the Altstadt (old city) with the Vierwaldstättersee (my knowledge of German is very elementary, I think in means ‘lake of the four woods cities) behind me and Neuestadt (new city) in the background. Lamb took the photo. This was shortly after I asked her to marry me in Paris on the banks of the Seine across from the Notre Dame Cathedral. I bought the ring in Germany a week later. Lamb fancied having a pearl ring and we found an antique Art Deco 14 carat gold ring in Munich with a pearl set in silver with diamond chips. The setting is typical Art Deco and 14 carat gold is rather unusual. The pearl took on the deepest cream sheen since Lamb started wearing it. The ring is very special to the both of us – even if it is not a big mother-of-all-diamonds diamond ring)

How do I get FUCKING Google Adsense removed from my Blog?

I used the word G@y in one of my posts and now google Adsense is posting these online d@ting ads on my blog! Now I have to misspell like a spammer for fear that they will place more such ads! I don't have anything against mentioned individuals, I just don't want ads advertising "hoekie-vir-eensames" services on my blog, irrespective of orientation! First I went into my account and put filters on the ads. The filters only seems to have made it worse, and now I get all kinds of d@ting ads on my blog. I have tried to switch off google ads - to no avail. I have removed the widget from my blog template, but still they appear. I have made diddly squat from google ads anyway, so no use in keeping it, but now it turns out to be like having termites under your house. It is very difficult to exterminate! If any of you can offer suggestions (adsense help is really KAK) please, I implore you...

Thoughts like glue

In the previous post I mentioned how people with ADD can get stuck on a topic. It is hard to express how one thing can consume one so totally and completely. When I plan a big meal for friends, I think of nothing else for days. I become one with the ingredients. I become the recipe. I struggle to sleep because my thoughts are consumed by what I am going to make to eat, how I am going to make it, how I am going to make it special, what we’re going to drink. I start living the event for two days and up to a week before the time. If I manage to sleep, I dream about it. I know beforehand that no matter what the guests will be drinking, I’ll be wanting a good robust red wine with a nose of wood and smoke and palate to match. Or sometimes it will be crisp Riesling smelling of cut grass and tasting of green grapes. Sometimes I’ll feel like having beer only, but it will definite be part of my beforehand thoughts. I will also start to feel just how a good time we will be having. During this time it is hard to have conversations about anything else. It is then also hard to cope with other people continuously INTRUDING, or TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT! WOE BETIDE YOU should you inadvertently and innocently and unsuspectingly mention one of my favourite topics in a conversation. At first you will think – “Aah, nice, we have something in common.” Then you’ll think, “he’s quite knowledgeable about this.” From there it will quickly progress to, “heavens, how am I going to get him to stop!?” Jaaa, I know we ADD’ers mess up sometimes, but because of getting thát stuck on a topic, we’ve been practicing for so long in our heads, that by the time we actually get round to do what we have been stuck on, the results will surprise you, for it will be perfect and done with a lot of creativity. As for ourselves, many times other people will love the result, but we will still not be satisfied, for it may not quite be how we imagined. At other times it will be even better than what we visualised it. If it came out not as we would have wanted it, we will agonise for a little and then drop it. If it came out better... well we will be even more stuck to the subject for a bit. Sometimes you’ll want us to repeat what we did, only to be annoyed to find us pulling a face. Remember, by that time we may already be stuck on something different entirely... And you’ll be like “you’re so gooood at it, why don’t you keep at it and make money from it?” And we’ll be like “Dude!, I am trying to figure out how to build this bird-feeder in the form of a medieval castle!”

Anti-Feminism Campaign Continued

Oooh, one thing about ADD, once you get affixed on a topic, you’re literally welded fast! It is like a scratched record being stuck in a groove repeating the same bit over and over. (I hope you’re all old enough to remember vinyl. It is very different from a scratched CD which gets stuck). This post is based on a comment I made a long time ago on Betty Noire’s blog. I, J. Hardspear de la Azotea FULLY prescribe to gender equality, but believe that feminists in the end miss this objective. I think the Suffragettes of old would hate to learn what modern day feminism has become. I hate the fact that women are being treated unfairly even in modern Western societies. Next to child abuse, I find the abuse of women abominable. Very few things make me angrier. Yet I believe that equality between the genders can co-exist comfortably with a definite split in gender roles. Here is an example of what I am on about. I want to raise my little girl to be financially (and in most other aspects) independent of any man, so that she can marry for love. I want her to become a woman in full right, so that if she meets the right guy, that she can be the woman, girl, wife, lover and mother of his children whom he can love and cherish as an equal, but still as a woman. Equality does not mean we have to give up our gender roles. Men must also stop being so asswupped scared to be men. Somebody please kick this soapbox from under me so I can blog about something else for a change!

The things men don’t talk about

The previous two post made me realise again that there are so many things men don’t talk about. I want to thank Spear the Almighty though for commenting honestly. I, J. Hardspear de la Azotea, think the strongest deterrent for men not to talk about certain subjects like sex, money, their jobs, religion etc has to do with vulnerability. Oh, men talk about sex, money, their jobs and religion all the time and yet they don’t talk about it at all. Yes, we brag about conquests, and make jokes. We will tell others of how good we are at our jobs, what an idiots our boss/colleagues are. We will say that one should avoid the topic of religion, but we comment on it all the time. We don’t however say that the sex drought after the baby came, touches the core of our masculinity. Although with our minds we understand (or try to) what our wives are going through, somewhere deep inside a little voice says – maybe she’s not into me anymore. And THAT makes me insecure and makes me feel vulnerable. We will talk as if it is all about the act and ‘I-gave-it good-to-her’, but we never express the need for an unreserved response in lovemaking. For that unreserved response is THE single most powerful affirmation of who and what I am right to the core of my being. We never tell anyone of how our job situations makes us feel apprehensive about the future. I’ve never told anybody that when I was without a job, I felt castrated and lesser of a man. I am after all the provider – never mind that my wife works as well and contributes financially to the household. Let me also use this to start my anti-feminist rally. These things I am talking about might be sneered at by feminists who find the frail male ego laughable. Well, let me tell you. Stuff like job & position being linked to ego and feelings of masculinity comes included with the package of having a dick and balls. Laugh at it if you want - but young or old, macho or meek, gay or straight – men measure their worth by the jobs they do. They also measure others with the same stick. And yes, despite what we project to the outside, our egos are frail. We will (sometimes) tell others of our religious convictions, but we will very seldom tell anyone of our real religious feelings and experiences. I don’t believe in feminism as I do not condone chauvinism. I am a firm believer of equality between the sexes, but I also believe just as a ton of gold and a ton of platinum differ in volume and composition, equality does not mean sameness. I believe differences should be celebrated and nurtured. And this does not mean putting someone in a man-mould or a woman-mould. It is the difference between encouraging and criticizing. I’ve found, contrary to what I have ever believed and found to be rational, that talking about stuff men don’t talk about has made me feeling less vulnerable instead of more, coz I ain’t got no more secrets some can ‘discover’ and hurt me with. I’ve put it in the open and if you don’t like it, well you simply don’t like it.

Daddy got nooky

Thanks everyone for the comments on the previous post. I know and UNDERSTAND all of that as much as a man can possibly TRY to. I have been doing the communication thing, and I told Lamb exactly that. I understand that there are various reasons for her libido not being what it was before baby. I explained very nicely that I really need us to have sex more often. Believe it or not, I also want nice romantic sex and not just a quickie here and there to sate the physical need only. Lamb also understands what I have been saying to her. So, what got us to have sex in the end? Humour! A stupid little joke I made (and it was not even sex related at all) was what was needed for Lamb to take the initiative and instigate sex without me even having to ask. (Or maybe I just looked thát pathetic and she felt sorry for me.) So what got us to have GREAT sex? More humour! In bed I told her that I feel like a dog for wanting to have sex with her, knowing she feels a bit under the weather with a cold. But, that like a dog I also have certain urges! Lamb laughed so much she cried and then we had wonderful sex.

New Dad No Sex

I write this post with the utmost respect to my wife, Lamb, and do not wish to put her in a bad light in any way. This is just something I have to get off of my chest. On Oprah the other day, she had a discussion going with mothers and the things mom’s do not usually admit to others and true and honest feelings about childbirth and children. One discussion was around resuming (gmph!) sex life after the birth of the baby. The women Oprah talked with gave all the usual (though valid and realistic) reasons of why new moms does not feel like having sex. I prepared myself for this before the birth as I have been forewarned by other new dads. What they didn’t tell me was for how loooong this was going to be. Now listening to my wife and the women on Oprah, gave me even more insight into this. The problem for me is not lack of understanding. The problem for me is I NEED MORE SEX! So I went and looked on the web for tips today. What, is this all, is there nothing else I can try? Here is some Great Dad tips I’ve found, but the author only state that maybe this will get you some – no guarantees... I’ve commented on each of them. 1. Break out the flowers and champagne. This one is a little too transparent to work more than once a month, but always worth a try. Done that. Most times I’ll get an honest thank you and get told how much I am appreciated. Nice, but no nooky. 2. Be a great dad. Actually, moms are turned on by strong men who can show they can take care of little kids. After putting the little one down for a nap, you might get one of your own. Try my levelest. Regularly get told that I am the greatest dad and she appreciates everything I do soooo much. Mmm still no nooky. 3. Plan your getaway. Yeah, it’s trite, but organizing a weekend away, including a relative to watch the kids, does wonders for a girl’s libido. You might even pack some toys. Done that. Went to Thabela Thabeng in the Vredefort Dome. THANK YOU B E T T Y FOR THE TIP!! Mother-in-law agreed to look after the baby for one night. It worked! Very nice break. Veeery nice nooky. But it was a month ago and it is not realistic to go away somewhere romantic 5 times a week. 4. Watch some smut. Casually leave a Cinemax-style soft core playing around bed time. You might be surprised that it gets her in the mood. Just don’t play anything too graphic. Well, to say that porn does not turn me on would be a lie. I just find it creates unrealistic expectations and does more for one’s fantasy life than for your actual sex life. Yes, before baby, Lamb could also get in the mood with some soft porn, but it is a route I am choosing not to go with. I crave meaningful sex with my wife, not a quick wank with only my fantasies. 5. Do the laundry and the dishes and make dinner. Women hate that stuff hanging over their heads. If she’s just getting home from work and it’s all done for once, she may have room in her brain for other things. I DO! Often! And I clean the house, and I do the washing! It is nice to hear how much she appreciates it. BUT ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS! 6. Throw out the bedroom TV. A study last year in Italy showed that couples who gave up TV in bed, doubled their sex per week. Never had a TV in the bedroom... Never will... 7. Don't expect much quickie sex. Unfortunately, it's less about animal lust these days. I am willing to fake 6 hours of foreplay if there had been any interest! 8. Stay in shape, shower up and be stay attractive to her. What's good for the goose... Mmm... I could do with slimming down a bit. 9. Don't push it. Don't whine about not getting any sex, or insist when she's not into it. That only will lead to bad feelings all around. You're going to have to be more artful here. Haven’t done this yet, but it is starting to get difficult not to whine. 10. Suggest baby #2 or #3. Nothing motivates a woman more than when she's trying to have a baby, as you will recall from baby #1. This is not recommended unless you are really ready for the next one Fuck dude, are you crazy!? When Lamb was pregnant she was horny as hell and we had fantastic sex and quite often, but I do not think suggesting another baby will do the trick right now. If there is any other new dads out there, you are welcome to either give tips which work, or commiserate.

The angry red carbuncle

Why....WHY? Why is it that the day before you start a new job a zit the size of a carbuncle develops on your forehead / nose / chin?

Aaah, the smell of Grandma

Tamara of Doodles of a Journo talked about associations in one of her recent posts. She related how sometimes a smell or seeing something can trigger a memory. She also wrote about how some memories seemingly appear unbidden. Much has been written and said about how powerful a memory trigger smell can be. The lines from the famous Afrikaans poem “my nooi is in ‘n nartjie, my ouma in kaneel” immediately springs to mind. Literally translated it means – my girlfriend is in a tangerine, my grandmother in cinnamon. So smells of tangerine reminded the poet of his girlfriend and smells of cinnamon of his grandmother. Now, today I have a story which proofs just how strong the smell memory trigger can be. Tamara mentioned that the smell of tea reminds her of her grandmother. I commented on her blog that my grandmother smelt of Singleton’s Medicated Snuff and Frisco Coffee. I’ve left something out. Something very significant. When I was small, my grandmother changed her perfume from the famous 4711 cologne to Yardley’s Moon Drops. So whereas I remember the smell of 4711 very well, the other smell I associate with my grandmother is Moon Drops. Lamb and I was married for about a year when Ouma (Granny) Rose passed away. After the funeral, Bee, my mother rounded up all the stuff in Ouma Rose’s flat and handed it out to all her sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews’ wives. My male cousins and I got a few photographs. When people know Grandma likes a certain type of perfume, they buy it for her on her birthday and Christmas. So all the unopened bottles and Gift Sets of Moon Drops that my mom found were handed out as well. A month or so after the funeral, I was watching TV and Lamb was taking a bath. Later she called me from the bedroom. She was laying naked on the bed, beckoning me with her finger and a beguiling smile. Not needing to be invited twice, my clothes evaporated from my body and I jumped onto the bed next to her. As I sidled up to her, it was as if hit by a hammer on the forehead. She positively reeked of Moon Drops. She liberally doused herself with body lotion, talcum and perfume from the Moon Drops gift pack she got from my mother. (Sorry, I am using split infinitives again). Although we’re Afrikaans speaking, I told Lamb the following in English: “Sorry Doll, but I cannot get it up if you smell like my dearly departed Grandma.” So there’s the proof, smell can trigger a memory so strong it can stop a recently wed warm blooded man in his tracks and turn a tumescent torrent to a drooping drip. Luckily we laughed so much that no nooky didn’t matter in the end. What is your strongest smell association / memory?

Relief

The job-drought seems to be braking. I have started on a new project and although it is only two days a week, I am quite relieved.

Julie & Julia

One of the reasons I, J. Hardspear de la Azotea, have started blogging have been made into a feature film! I’ve always wanted to write a book. I never knew (and still do not know) what about and how to start. One of the events leading to me starting a blog – and I have mentioned this previously - was a very irritating Margarine ad on TV about a woman in her kitchen busy cooking and getting wax lyrical about blogging. Ever since Stork’s ads improved greatly. (Print & Television). But hey, it still is and remain NOT BUTTER! But that irksome ad prompted me to ‘research’ blogging (I read the Wikipedia entry). When I read about a woman called Julie Powell who began the Julie/Julia Project, a Web log chronicling her attempt to cook all the recipes in Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, I was interested. To learn further that she gathered quite a food blog following and that she reworked the blog into a book which got published and was successful, I needed no further convincing. And now a movie called Julie & Julia has been made! Admittedly, there is more to the movie than just the Julie/Julia project. The movie also deals extensively with Julia Child’s interesting life as America’s first really popular celebrity TV cook. In the film Meryl Streep plays the role of Julia Child. I acknowledge that my casual and unsystematic jottings on this blog are not publishing material. I feel though that I have made a start and maybe something will come of it at a later stage. At some juncture in a natural progression I have started blogging more about food than the main ADD theme. According to the stats I’ve gotten more hits as a result. I am glad that I read about blogs before starting blogging. I picked up a few tips, such as never to blog (especially anything negative) about the place you work, colleagues and friends or family - in particular if you are not blogging anonymously. (Tamara – I see you also share this sentiment) My sister knows a woman who got fired (they live in a small town) after publishing negative comments about her boss on her facebook page. An unexpected surprise was the wonderful on-line friends I have made. Reading their blogs and interacting with them definitely makes my life richer. For now... I cannot wait to see the movie.