[wtf, wtf, wtf!!! Blogger KEEP on publishing only half of my posts - here's the rest which should have been part of the post below]
So why do us ADDers seek INSTANT gratification all the time??? – The simple answer is to either stop the noise or to stop the boredom. Angel put me on this track with her recent post on the same topic. Angel discusses also the fact that ADDers are not motivated by long term rewards nor deterred by long term consequences. But what is interesting is this… It is not that we cannot see the reward of sometimes having to wait for something (or consequences of doing something very satisfying THIS VERY INSTANT), it is just that we couldn’t be bothered. Even feeling regret soooooo many times for missing out on a reward as a result of not having done something/not putting an effort in/not having waited is enough motivation for next time round (Unless the missed-out reward was whoppingly massive or the punishment cripplingly severe.)
To you this may seem like stubbornness and bad attitude, but it is not. It is not impossible for us to make the right decision, put in the required effort or wait for a reasonable amount of time to achieve something or gain a reward, it is just very, very difficult at times. This frustrate people close to ADDers, but it the effect is much worse on us. It discourages us, depresses us and frustration does not even start to describe the aggravation we feel. And that is why they say the ADDer’s behaviour is self limiting.
With your encouragement we can get out of the cycle of course.
Now today I need encouragement. Here’s the story of the need for instant gratification is stealing my joy:
Recently I started to put much more effort and time into our garden. And yes, I feel good when I have don hard manual labour in the garden, I feel at peace when I have planted schtuff and cleared out weeds, but that is not always rewarding enough for me to continue. I must also mention that there is a VERY big difference between negative consequences and discouragement. A big negative consequence may not deter us, but a little insignificant thing can discourage us real bad.
As I then have commented on dbawiw’s blog – something is eating my lovely chilli plants. What on God’s earth eats chilli plants (except us of course)? So, already not being able to wait for the little plants to bear shiny green & red chillis, something now cause further delays, or even NO reward at all! I know it is not rational, but if I plant a lemon tree and water it once, I expect it to be in full bloom the very next day and the day after it must be laden with heavy, fat, juicy fruit. So here the cycle starts… At first I take it as a personal affront that something would eat MY chilli plants, which I have put time in energy into. Then I feel that they can eat the whole bloody thing for all I care and I won’t plant another green thing for as long as I live. But wait, here the Ritalin kicks in, as well as what I have learned from reading about ADD, therapy etc etc. Don’t give up. I then go into over-do mode. I want whatever is eating my precious chillis DEAD now. Surely a little undiluted insect poison would not do any harm (yes I know the bottle says to mix 1 drop poison with a kiloliter of water, but it sounds a bit weak to me). I administer some vile smelling schtuff to my chillis. When I rush out tomorrow to check for new growth and masses of upturned insect carapaces, I’ve found that the chilli’s leaves turned yellow. Over-doing can produce either spectacular or disastrous results; you can never know which…
In the meanwhile, the dogs have wrecked my coriander and the harvester ants are having a feeding frenzy at the expense of my soft, luxurious green front-lawn. The very thought makes me want to jump in the car to go and buy an i-Phone 4 or eat 6 curry mince vetkoeke or harass Lamb for some nooky or drive to Durban. Barbara Streisand Barbara Streisand Barbara Streisand Barbara Streisand Barbara Streisand BAR-BA-RAAAA STREEEEIIIIIIISAND!
Con-tem-PLATE coriander, J. Hardspear de la Azotea, contemplate coriander…