Thursday, 16 April 2009

Galaxies in the Air, Annoyance and Genes

I have not done a post on Adult ADD / ADHD / Attention Deficit Disorder in a very long while and I think it is time to do so again. This post will be on one of many aspects of having ADD which I am partial to, it will also include one of many aspects of having ADD which I find objectionable and lastly an aspect which I feel ambivalent about. The Good... You have not the faintest what daydreaming is if you do not have ADD. When I start building Castles in the Air, it soon becomes towns, cities, countries, planets, solar systems and eventually whole Galaxies. Being lost in thought if you have ADD is a multi-dimensional, multi-faceted and multi-level experience. I do not have a happy place to go to, I have dizzying Warp Speed flights through a whole star-filled universe bursting with luminous colours. It is a place where I can be anything, where I am everything. I can experience all I want to without taking any drugs – my mind just takes me there. My flights of fancy are elaborate and take place in series and sequels. Sometimes I am the star in my own rock concert / opera / musical / play / movie. I am the DJ, the drummer, the vocalist, the guitarist, the pianist, the violinist, the tenor, the bass the baritone the actor, the choreographer, the set designer. I am attractive, I am talented, I am genius. I smash my guitar, I crowd surf, I hold a note so long that glass shatter. I bring the crowd to tears, I win Oscars. The Bad... People with ADD are notoriously irritable. Nothing, no reason, grounds, catalyst and still I can suddenly get extremely annoyed, wound up, aggravated, irritable, touchy and bad tempered. Fair... we know it is a trait of AD(H)D. (By the way, my Dr. diagnosed my particular type as ADhD. Capitals ADD because I have Attention Deficit Disorder, lowercase h, because I am only mildly hyperactive.) What is funny though, and what is unpleasant, is that I cannot cope with irritability in other people. ESPECIALLY if someone reacts irritable towards me and ABOVE ALL, if I perceive that I am the cause of their irritability. Immediately I feel rejected, silly, not good enough, hurt, self conscious, and hopelessly insecure. I’ll react immediately by lashing out with my tongue and saying horrible and hurtful things. Or I will retract and withdraw so utterly and completely as if it is a shield snapping shut around me. And it is not just a short term effect on my, my self-confidence takes nasty knock. The can be either Ugly or Beautiful... Finally something I feel ambivalent about, is the fact that ADD is hereditary and that there is a good chance that little Image might also have ADD. It is too early to tell, but I really do not know how I feel about this issue. Right, enough of that. I am not even going to bore you with the details of what a struggle I had with Vodakak since Tuesday because of my 3G account. I’ve seen your posts, I know you know what I’ve been through...

3 comments:

momcat said...

A lot of what I can identify with obviously with having ADD in the family. My ex husband has always been the ideas man. He doesn't always follow through but he always plans to build up his own business, build his boat, build a trailer..plans, plans plans. It can be a good and a bad thing. My elder son has an extremely short temper and frequently wants to break something though thankfully is dead set against harming women. My younger son gets pulled down to the depths of negativity over something he doesn't want to do or something he wants to do and isnt allowed to. The whole issue is around being overfocused on the positive or the negative. Where another person is able to compartamentalise their thoughts on a particular project, someone with ADD will be unable to think of anything else. I am a listening ear and sometimes a cautioning tongue to my ex (although he hates it if I don't agree with him) but with my kids it is an ongoing challenge to try and teach them how to have patience and be able to plan for what they want in life. My daughter didn't suffer as much as her brothers at school but as she is getting older (21) I am noticing her impatience with where she is in life with regards to her career, finances, etc., and sometimes relationship issues. Expect to have some issues with your little one but above all maintain your communication with your child and a parent cannot impart lifeskills if his child will not listen to him and sometimes parents lose the heart of their child by applying the letter of the law (discipline) rather than the spirit of the law.

angel said...

Dude... I am so heart sore right now over my knucklehead (who is adHd BTW).
I hear you on every single point you've made here (the Vodakak too, AND thats what I call them in my posts about them).
I love reading your insight into what my boy goes through.

Spear said...

momcat – amen on everything. With respect to your daughter. I once attended a presentation on ADD in girls. The presenter was of opinion that ADD has 3 different traits, two of which must be present in order to make a diagnosis. These two are inattention and impulsivity. The third trait – hyperactivity – may or may not be present. A larger proportion of boys have the hyperactivity trait than girls. For that reason, girls with ADD often do not get diagnosed. Parents & teachers will think that the girl is dreamy and a bit of a scatterbrain. Especially when such a girl is very intelligent, she may perform OK at school.

Angel – I am sure there must be some artisan skill Damien will be passionate about, he doesn’t know what though, because of the poor career guidance we get at school. We grow up to think that there is only 3 categories of work and that is of the category of doctor/attorney/accountant , the category of mechanic, electrician, typist, telephonist and finally the category of street sweepers, cleaners and labourers. At school they don’t tell us about glass technicians, about courses in butchery, bakery or 10 000 other practical and interesting learnerships available.