Friday, 22 October 2010

If dangerous driving does not get me, clogged arteries will

I know this is so WRONG on every level, but like Dexter I, J. Hardspear de La Azotea like eating junk food whilst driving. Also the messier, the lekkerder. Here’s a list of my favourite drive food:

• Wimpy Bacon & Cheese Burger with Extra Relish. (Toasted version is slightly easier to eat in the car, but then you have to hold the sandwich/burger horizontal to take a bite. It takes a while to scrub the pink stains from the cheap tomato sauce off your fingers again.


• Woolworths Pie. Just be careful – they are always extremely hot. Take a bite out of the crust at the corner to expose the filling and hold in front of the aircon vent to blow cold air in. You’ll be able to take a safe bite within the first two kilometres. Your whole car will be covered in flaky crumbs.


• Quattro Stagioni Pizza with extra cheese. Just wash the grease off of the steering wheel at your destination.


• Soft Serve Ice Cream on a Cone (at least 4 turns of Ice Cream) on a hot day you have to eat especially fast. If you break hard it usually ends up in crotch of your black work trousers.


• A mega lemon & poppy seed muffin from a garage cafe.


What is your favourite car food?

11 comments:

Momcat said...

I will have to bow to your expertise because the most I can manage is a packet of crisps and even then I find that distracting, especially when I drop one. I try not to do anything more distracting than talking to passengers while watching the road when I'm driving. This is one activity where I'm prepared to limit my multi-tasking skills to operating the car. :)

Hardspear said...

Momcat - Which is the sensible thing really...

Tamara said...

Hmmm... not a good idea to read this post with gastro. Can't think of food right now. Will have to get back to you later.

Ness at Drovers Run said...

It used to be the McDonalds cheese burger - easy to hold with one hand - and doesn't mess until you get to the gherkin. But now, I go for the healthy snack - like sugar snap peas from Woolworths. ;) thanks for stopping by my blog!

Hardspear said...

Tamara - hope you're better

Ness - yes I have packed a sandwich and healthy snacks today. decided to try to eat better.

arkwife said...

Dude! You have not eaten messy food until you've tried the Dagwood burger from Steers. It is heaven on a roll. This is messy whether you're driving or standing still, but delicious either way :)

BecauseIcan said...

OMcrap and there i thought i was the only one!!..

My snack of choice while driving is thankfully not too messy,, its a BarOne! :-)

But I TOTALLY love your idea of how to cool those bastardly pies down! Now if only I can solve the issue of pastry flakes on the seat/between the boobs/on the dash, i think I will be sexstatic :-)

Julia said...

I actually cannot eat while I drive. It's too much work to drive and change gears and shuffle cd's and talk on my phone. And I cannot possibly enjoy it if I must do it while multitasking.
I will ask my husband to read this for some tips though. He is totally a eat while driving kind of guy.

Hardspear said...

arkwife - drooling

bridget - ja it becomes a problem, since I am to lazy to wash the car and to stingy to take it to the carwash. My man-boobs are not yet that large so I dont have that problem

Julia - I must either stop or get an automatic.

Spear The Almighty said...

McDonalds breakfast. McMuffin with sausage and egg and a hashbrown.

This also explains my weight issues. :)

Angel said...

OMW that was funny!
I love McDonalds Cheeseburgers, their chicken nuggets too coz the sauce is a challenge :P And I love KFC pops... Ooh and KFC Avalanches are very yummy and messy...