Thursday, 12 August 2010

Ascribe Mental Disability to ADD, Make it Official, Bawl Your Eyes Out and Pick Yourself Up Again

This is a blog about ADD, so hey, let me do a post about ADD for a change. I, J. Hardspear de la Azotea should be studying, but hey, here I am Blogging. Hope it helps for Friday’s exam... I am busy with my 5th career change. NOT JOB CHANGE – CAREER CHANGE. As I’ve said before, I am learning a new ERP programme. Now... my best friend and boss, Army Man and I both suffer from ADD (or is it endure having? bear having? excel at having? despair at having? shine at having? surpass because of having ADD?). Recently we started toying with the idea of making the fact that we have ADD official in order to score a better rating on our company’s BEE status – on account of disability, that is. We approached our Auditor, The King of Bethlehem. The King of Bethlehem’s feedback on that was inconclusive, but he found that there are a lot of tax benefits for people with disabilities. He obtained the SARS criteria for being classed as mentally disabled for us, and off we went to see a psychologist. The psychologist told us in no uncertain terms that he is NOT going to fudge his findings just so that we can get tax benefit. His findings will be his findings and should it be above the SARS criteria, that is that then. He performed a standard internationally recognized test for ADD as well as another test which tests general mental functioning. The ADD test unequivocally supported an ADD diagnosis. The report on the other test on mental functioning rocked me a bit. It highlighted amongst others the following characteristics of mine: - Self Defeating Behaviour - Self Limiting Behaviour - Poor handling of success. (so even if I achieve i am unable to deal with it like a normal person) - Social ineptness (I am not so sure I agree) - Depression & Anxiety - Poor self image - Blah, fucking blah blah. Unfortunately, apart from the social ineptness, I have to agree with most... In any case, we DID meet the SARS criteria and are now classed with having a mental disability on our return forms. I realised again that I have overcome so much, but there are limits to what I can do and achieve and maintain. I grasped again that my efforts in important relationships are diminished by factors not always in my control. But HELL I TRY. I TRY! I got this feedback last Friday and by Saturday afternoon, I was in a right state. We took Image for a stroll in the neighbourhood and at some point in the middle of the road, I burst out in tears. This upset Lamb big time. She realised it was about the feedback, but I refused to talk about it. I told her that it is something I will have to deal with, and I will be over it again by the following day. True as nuts. Sunday I woke up mentally energised and happy. Fuck. I have ADD. I have had to deal with it up to now. Comparing to many other people with ADD, I am actually High Functioning. So, henceforth I will have to deal with it again. BASTA! I co-instigated this whole process with SARS, I got a result, and Boo-Hoo, I have a mental disability. Guess what, It could have been worse. I could have been short or have ugly feet or something. I am tall and I have beautifully high-arched narrow feet. In the meanwhile, I thought I had a heart cramp. I had it checked out by a cardiologist, who had me running attached to wires and a computer on a treadmill. He kept on increasing the incline and speed, until it felt as if I am sprinting up Mount Aux Sources. I thought that this Doctor had better do something about his BO, but realised after a while that I am smelling my profusely sweating self. He did a sonar as well after which he declared my heart perfectly fit and healthy. He cautioned about stress and told me to exercise. I am now yet again a member of Virgin Active. I’ll start next week. Get this exam past me again first. Work is so hectic. I am involved in 3 major projects simultaneously.


Angel's Mind said...

Dude, this post had me in tears. I see a lot of what you talk about in my own Damien and I worry so much about everything he is going to still have to deal with.
You know, Spear, that I have gained an awful lot of insight into how my knucklehead's mind works by reading your blog.
Please don't stop sharing.

Hardspear said...

Hey Angel, I am so glad you can comment on my blog again. Do you know what... I started this blog because I felt that no one understand me and that a very small number of people REALLY understand ADD.
You are one of those who really understand. You cannot know how much your support means to me.

Tamara said...

Sounds like that was hard for you :-(

But none of us is perfect. We're all weird in our own way. Don't let the labels the shrinks use get under your skin. Some of the most talented people in the world had mental disabilities... Abraham Lincoln, Beethoven, Charles Dickens...

I tick the depression box too, and I'm short ;-) So you're one up on me. At least we both have nice feet.

Anonymous said...

U should totally read "Delivered from Distraction". I always thought something was 'off'. I function like a normal person to everyone around me but on the inside things did't fit. I read the book and it all made sense! Now I take my concerta and plough on pushing forward and when I lose yet another bank card or waller or keys or jacket...I can blame it on the ADD and not even feel bad about it anymore ;) HAHA! On a serious note. The book put alot of what was going on in perspective and now that I actually understand it better and can name it I function much better.

It's challenging, but I wouldn't give it up for the world. It makes me who I am and I colour in the lives of the people around me :D