L-Arginine – the price for sex leaves a bad taste in the mouth

I have too many topics I want to cram into this one post, so maybe I’ll refer to them all and discuss them at length in posts to follow, we’ll see. Let me start with a bit of an update of what happened during my blogging drought between October 2009 and March 2010. I was feeling more than a bit overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. I had a terrible time at work (I am on the project from hell) and after a year we were still struggling to come to terms with caring for a baby after 11 years of marriage. I was feeling seriously stuck and became worried that my emotional state would negatively impact my relationship with Lamb and Image and, so I asked my Psychologist friend, Supplanter, for a referral to another Psychologist, as I would not be comfortable seeing him, since we are friends. He referred me to a lady called Paris von Dry Season. I felt comfortable with Paris straight away (funky older lady – platinum blond with a pink stripe in her hair). Paris suggested that I see a Psychiatrist as well, as she felt that I need to consider medication for depression/anxiety. Now depression and anxiety are called co-morbid conditions to ADD. It is thus not uncommon for people/children with AD(H)D to have either or both. Since I do not have to spill my guts to a Psychiatrist in the same fashion as to a Psychologist, I felt comfortable to approach Cara Noir, someone I know socially-bordering-on-friend. Cara indeed prescribed an anti-depressant, one which also alleviates anxiety and can be safely taken with Ritalin. I feel that I’ve greatly benefited from the combined therapy, despite work conditions deteriorating and even though the passing away of my Mother set me back a bit. (At least I feel that I am advancing in the grieving process – Feb was a terrible month in that respect, but I feel much lighter as of late). Anti-depressants, however can inhibit one’s sex drive and I have certainly felt that. It is strange... the mechanics still works perfectly, but the drive is not what it was before. Top that with the diminished opportunity for nooky which a new baby brings along... So, as I very often do, I jumped on the internet. I found that the supplement l-arginine is recommended for lowered sex drive due to the taking of anti-depressants. L-arginine is a supplement taken amongst others by body builders, as it is a precursor or something to the human growth hormone – so it helps you build muscle. So off I went to Dischem and bought a bottle of Solal (my preferred supplement brand) l-arginine (powder form). The first trick was to find the right time to drink the stuff, as it is to be taken on an empty stomach, at least two hours before or after a meal. Very rarely does 4 hours pass without me having anything to eat, so... When eventually I ended up for a brief period with an empty stomach, I took the powder as per the (inadequate) instructions. The bottle just said 3 scoops. I proceeded to add 3 scoops to half a glass of cold water. I stirred it well and drank deeply. Merde! Scheissen! ¡Hijo da puta! Fokken Moer die goed is sleg! I started gagging, heaving and roaring, but stopped just short of actually throwing up. The stuff is totally undrinkable. I added half a glass of grape juice, pinched my nose closed and downed the rest (the stuff is damn expensive). Lamb nearly peed herself with laughter. L-Arginine is vile-and evil tasting. It has a strong bicarbonate of soda tang overlaid with an odd bitterness and saltiness which sticks to the back of your throat. This is all combined with some other inexplicable taste – something I have not yet encountered. Onto the net again. I learned that acidity helps in countering the taste. The next time I dissolved it in Lemon juice (lots) and added ice cold water (lots). It was still not nice, but I managed much better this time. And guess what... It works. Although, I must admit, I am one of those people on which the placebo will work as well as the real thing. Just the act of taking something makes me feel better already. I’ve decided to spice my posts up a bit with some charts & graphs – so here is the first of my new vital statistics feature: The taste of l-arginine vs it’s effect over time.

What is the vilest thing you have ever tasted?

The things men don’t talk about

The previous two post made me realise again that there are so many things men don’t talk about. I want to thank Spear the Almighty though for commenting honestly. I, J. Hardspear de la Azotea, think the strongest deterrent for men not to talk about certain subjects like sex, money, their jobs, religion etc has to do with vulnerability. Oh, men talk about sex, money, their jobs and religion all the time and yet they don’t talk about it at all. Yes, we brag about conquests, and make jokes. We will tell others of how good we are at our jobs, what an idiots our boss/colleagues are. We will say that one should avoid the topic of religion, but we comment on it all the time. We don’t however say that the sex drought after the baby came, touches the core of our masculinity. Although with our minds we understand (or try to) what our wives are going through, somewhere deep inside a little voice says – maybe she’s not into me anymore. And THAT makes me insecure and makes me feel vulnerable. We will talk as if it is all about the act and ‘I-gave-it good-to-her’, but we never express the need for an unreserved response in lovemaking. For that unreserved response is THE single most powerful affirmation of who and what I am right to the core of my being. We never tell anyone of how our job situations makes us feel apprehensive about the future. I’ve never told anybody that when I was without a job, I felt castrated and lesser of a man. I am after all the provider – never mind that my wife works as well and contributes financially to the household. Let me also use this to start my anti-feminist rally. These things I am talking about might be sneered at by feminists who find the frail male ego laughable. Well, let me tell you. Stuff like job & position being linked to ego and feelings of masculinity comes included with the package of having a dick and balls. Laugh at it if you want - but young or old, macho or meek, gay or straight – men measure their worth by the jobs they do. They also measure others with the same stick. And yes, despite what we project to the outside, our egos are frail. We will (sometimes) tell others of our religious convictions, but we will very seldom tell anyone of our real religious feelings and experiences. I don’t believe in feminism as I do not condone chauvinism. I am a firm believer of equality between the sexes, but I also believe just as a ton of gold and a ton of platinum differ in volume and composition, equality does not mean sameness. I believe differences should be celebrated and nurtured. And this does not mean putting someone in a man-mould or a woman-mould. It is the difference between encouraging and criticizing. I’ve found, contrary to what I have ever believed and found to be rational, that talking about stuff men don’t talk about has made me feeling less vulnerable instead of more, coz I ain’t got no more secrets some can ‘discover’ and hurt me with. I’ve put it in the open and if you don’t like it, well you simply don’t like it.

Daddy got nooky

Thanks everyone for the comments on the previous post. I know and UNDERSTAND all of that as much as a man can possibly TRY to. I have been doing the communication thing, and I told Lamb exactly that. I understand that there are various reasons for her libido not being what it was before baby. I explained very nicely that I really need us to have sex more often. Believe it or not, I also want nice romantic sex and not just a quickie here and there to sate the physical need only. Lamb also understands what I have been saying to her. So, what got us to have sex in the end? Humour! A stupid little joke I made (and it was not even sex related at all) was what was needed for Lamb to take the initiative and instigate sex without me even having to ask. (Or maybe I just looked thát pathetic and she felt sorry for me.) So what got us to have GREAT sex? More humour! In bed I told her that I feel like a dog for wanting to have sex with her, knowing she feels a bit under the weather with a cold. But, that like a dog I also have certain urges! Lamb laughed so much she cried and then we had wonderful sex.

New Dad No Sex

I write this post with the utmost respect to my wife, Lamb, and do not wish to put her in a bad light in any way. This is just something I have to get off of my chest. On Oprah the other day, she had a discussion going with mothers and the things mom’s do not usually admit to others and true and honest feelings about childbirth and children. One discussion was around resuming (gmph!) sex life after the birth of the baby. The women Oprah talked with gave all the usual (though valid and realistic) reasons of why new moms does not feel like having sex. I prepared myself for this before the birth as I have been forewarned by other new dads. What they didn’t tell me was for how loooong this was going to be. Now listening to my wife and the women on Oprah, gave me even more insight into this. The problem for me is not lack of understanding. The problem for me is I NEED MORE SEX! So I went and looked on the web for tips today. What, is this all, is there nothing else I can try? Here is some Great Dad tips I’ve found, but the author only state that maybe this will get you some – no guarantees... I’ve commented on each of them. 1. Break out the flowers and champagne. This one is a little too transparent to work more than once a month, but always worth a try. Done that. Most times I’ll get an honest thank you and get told how much I am appreciated. Nice, but no nooky. 2. Be a great dad. Actually, moms are turned on by strong men who can show they can take care of little kids. After putting the little one down for a nap, you might get one of your own. Try my levelest. Regularly get told that I am the greatest dad and she appreciates everything I do soooo much. Mmm still no nooky. 3. Plan your getaway. Yeah, it’s trite, but organizing a weekend away, including a relative to watch the kids, does wonders for a girl’s libido. You might even pack some toys. Done that. Went to Thabela Thabeng in the Vredefort Dome. THANK YOU B E T T Y FOR THE TIP!! Mother-in-law agreed to look after the baby for one night. It worked! Very nice break. Veeery nice nooky. But it was a month ago and it is not realistic to go away somewhere romantic 5 times a week. 4. Watch some smut. Casually leave a Cinemax-style soft core playing around bed time. You might be surprised that it gets her in the mood. Just don’t play anything too graphic. Well, to say that porn does not turn me on would be a lie. I just find it creates unrealistic expectations and does more for one’s fantasy life than for your actual sex life. Yes, before baby, Lamb could also get in the mood with some soft porn, but it is a route I am choosing not to go with. I crave meaningful sex with my wife, not a quick wank with only my fantasies. 5. Do the laundry and the dishes and make dinner. Women hate that stuff hanging over their heads. If she’s just getting home from work and it’s all done for once, she may have room in her brain for other things. I DO! Often! And I clean the house, and I do the washing! It is nice to hear how much she appreciates it. BUT ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS! 6. Throw out the bedroom TV. A study last year in Italy showed that couples who gave up TV in bed, doubled their sex per week. Never had a TV in the bedroom... Never will... 7. Don't expect much quickie sex. Unfortunately, it's less about animal lust these days. I am willing to fake 6 hours of foreplay if there had been any interest! 8. Stay in shape, shower up and be stay attractive to her. What's good for the goose... Mmm... I could do with slimming down a bit. 9. Don't push it. Don't whine about not getting any sex, or insist when she's not into it. That only will lead to bad feelings all around. You're going to have to be more artful here. Haven’t done this yet, but it is starting to get difficult not to whine. 10. Suggest baby #2 or #3. Nothing motivates a woman more than when she's trying to have a baby, as you will recall from baby #1. This is not recommended unless you are really ready for the next one Fuck dude, are you crazy!? When Lamb was pregnant she was horny as hell and we had fantastic sex and quite often, but I do not think suggesting another baby will do the trick right now. If there is any other new dads out there, you are welcome to either give tips which work, or commiserate.