Process flows explained bmo 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles

I work on large IT implementation projects.  Consultants LOVE process flows.  I’ve once been given this by an expert Process Mapping consultant to illustrate the principles of process flows.  Thought it was very funny…

Trying to format a Microsoft Word Document created by someone else...

Today I am doing a Vital Statistics Graph post for a change...(inspired by GraphJam), but born out of my own frustration.


Have you ever wanted to make a small change to a Microsoft Word Document created by someone else? A task which you thought would take 30 seconds, leaves you tearing your hair an hour later. Trying to make this little change completely disturbed the auto numbering.


You immediately turn on the hidden formatting symbols to try and figure out what the other person/idiot/alien from outer space did. You find that the imbecile used a combination of automatic numbering, manual numbering, the tab button and even the spacebar to put the start of different lines underneath each other.


I have been using MS Word extensively since its DOS days. I consider myself to be an advanced user, but the mess some morons create in a word document is irreparable.


It’s sometimes easier to re-type the whole damn thing.

Slap Chips, The Countess, The Gay Latino and the Crazy Militants

I always find it interesting what are people searching for on the net and why. Some of the top searches for today is Hutaree LuAnn de Lesseps Ricky Martin Hutaree – because it is a Christian Militia Cult in the USA who has become a tad too threatening to the US government. (Only in America) Countess LuAnn de Lesseps – Because she is an American Celebrity appearing in the series “The real Housewifes of New York” in the US together with other Celebrity wives. LuAnn de Lesseps was married until 2009 to Count Alexandre De Lesseps (a descendant of Ferdinand de Lesseps, famous Architect of the Suez Canal). They divorced after he had an affair with an Ethiopian Princess. (Only in America) Ricky Martin – because he FINALLY came out of the closet and admitted he is gay. (Only like in...erm ...everywhere?) Back to SA. With all the MacDonalds’ popping up everywhere (And other fast food outlets), when last did you have real slap chips from a dirty Portuguese Corner shop. Fat golden brown hand-cut chips, crispy on the outside, deliciously soft on the inside and the taste redolent of potatoes and oil infused with the flavour of years and years of frying russian sausages, newspaper and lots and lots of salt and vinegar. A small cardboard box of dry matchstick fries cannot possibly be as satisfying as R12’s worth of slap chips wrapped in newspaper. Man alive, have made myself so hungry now. But it is like we say in Afrikaans... ‘Hoe vuiler die Portugees se kafee, hoe lekkerder die chips!’. So here is today’s Vital Statistics. (click for larger image) The slap chip equation = The dirtier the Portuguese’s Corner Shop, the tastier the chips

My bladder vs traffic

During my 70 km commute to work every day, I spend a lot of time in traffic. If I leave at 5am, my travel time is usually about an hour. If I leave anything after 5:30, the volumes of traffic I encounter increases exponentially, my average speed decreases dramatically and I arrive at work having spent 1.5 - 2 hours in the car with a bursting bladder and a bad mood. Click on the Graph below which explains the various relationships which takes place if I leave my house at 6am instead of 5. When are they going to be finished with the infernal roadworks in Gauteng????

L-Arginine – the price for sex leaves a bad taste in the mouth

I have too many topics I want to cram into this one post, so maybe I’ll refer to them all and discuss them at length in posts to follow, we’ll see. Let me start with a bit of an update of what happened during my blogging drought between October 2009 and March 2010. I was feeling more than a bit overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. I had a terrible time at work (I am on the project from hell) and after a year we were still struggling to come to terms with caring for a baby after 11 years of marriage. I was feeling seriously stuck and became worried that my emotional state would negatively impact my relationship with Lamb and Image and, so I asked my Psychologist friend, Supplanter, for a referral to another Psychologist, as I would not be comfortable seeing him, since we are friends. He referred me to a lady called Paris von Dry Season. I felt comfortable with Paris straight away (funky older lady – platinum blond with a pink stripe in her hair). Paris suggested that I see a Psychiatrist as well, as she felt that I need to consider medication for depression/anxiety. Now depression and anxiety are called co-morbid conditions to ADD. It is thus not uncommon for people/children with AD(H)D to have either or both. Since I do not have to spill my guts to a Psychiatrist in the same fashion as to a Psychologist, I felt comfortable to approach Cara Noir, someone I know socially-bordering-on-friend. Cara indeed prescribed an anti-depressant, one which also alleviates anxiety and can be safely taken with Ritalin. I feel that I’ve greatly benefited from the combined therapy, despite work conditions deteriorating and even though the passing away of my Mother set me back a bit. (At least I feel that I am advancing in the grieving process – Feb was a terrible month in that respect, but I feel much lighter as of late). Anti-depressants, however can inhibit one’s sex drive and I have certainly felt that. It is strange... the mechanics still works perfectly, but the drive is not what it was before. Top that with the diminished opportunity for nooky which a new baby brings along... So, as I very often do, I jumped on the internet. I found that the supplement l-arginine is recommended for lowered sex drive due to the taking of anti-depressants. L-arginine is a supplement taken amongst others by body builders, as it is a precursor or something to the human growth hormone – so it helps you build muscle. So off I went to Dischem and bought a bottle of Solal (my preferred supplement brand) l-arginine (powder form). The first trick was to find the right time to drink the stuff, as it is to be taken on an empty stomach, at least two hours before or after a meal. Very rarely does 4 hours pass without me having anything to eat, so... When eventually I ended up for a brief period with an empty stomach, I took the powder as per the (inadequate) instructions. The bottle just said 3 scoops. I proceeded to add 3 scoops to half a glass of cold water. I stirred it well and drank deeply. Merde! Scheissen! ¡Hijo da puta! Fokken Moer die goed is sleg! I started gagging, heaving and roaring, but stopped just short of actually throwing up. The stuff is totally undrinkable. I added half a glass of grape juice, pinched my nose closed and downed the rest (the stuff is damn expensive). Lamb nearly peed herself with laughter. L-Arginine is vile-and evil tasting. It has a strong bicarbonate of soda tang overlaid with an odd bitterness and saltiness which sticks to the back of your throat. This is all combined with some other inexplicable taste – something I have not yet encountered. Onto the net again. I learned that acidity helps in countering the taste. The next time I dissolved it in Lemon juice (lots) and added ice cold water (lots). It was still not nice, but I managed much better this time. And guess what... It works. Although, I must admit, I am one of those people on which the placebo will work as well as the real thing. Just the act of taking something makes me feel better already. I’ve decided to spice my posts up a bit with some charts & graphs – so here is the first of my new vital statistics feature: The taste of l-arginine vs it’s effect over time.

What is the vilest thing you have ever tasted?